


The Petit Tourette

by RickishMorty



Category: South Park
Genre: Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, Eric Cartman talks to himself, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 18:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19214794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RickishMorty/pseuds/RickishMorty
Summary: As soon as I realized that I could say everything that went through my mind, freely, clearly and unimpeded, but, INSTEAD, with all the understanding of others ... Well, it didn't take me long to convince Mom to take me to a doctor.He assured me that I would be ... sympathized.I could have done absolutely the fuck i want.If it wasn't for you, damn Jew.





	The Petit Tourette

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a translation from italian about an old work of mine, sorry for the mistakes, if you notice it, please alert me and i will correct the fanfiction.
> 
> Enjoy the reading, a self confession of Eric Cartman during the Tourette's episode.

Definitely.

If I hadn't stumbled on that damn idea I would have saved myself from so many risks of heart attack.

But... After all... It was so bad?

 

_"A golden shimmer in my eyes"_

 

As soon as I realized that I could say everything that went through my mind, freely, clearly and unimpeded, but, INSTEAD, with all the understanding of others ... Well, it didn't take me long to convince Mom to take me to a doctor.

He assured me that I would be ... sympathized.

I could have done absolutely the fuck i want.

If it wasn't for you, damn Jew.

 

"He's pretending"

 

You said it in front of the whole school, just a moment after I explained that I had this syndrome.

Fuck ... Screw you Kyle, always a pain in my ass.

However, as usual, as always, inconceivably and paradoxically, YOU had understood.

You always understood me. And you knew me more than anyone else.

Unfortunately for me.

And then in the principal Victoria’s office came the hallucinating guy with Tourette, a member of an association that protects and defends people with this syndrome, who gave you a good lesson... that i deserved, to be honest.

These contradictions often occur between us, have you noticed? One of us always pays because of the other.

 

"I SAID THAT I’M SORRY YOU PIECE OF SH..." you said, surrendered.

Ooh, such a melodious music to my hears... Like every time YOU have to surrend to ME, obviously always unfairly and with effort.

I love having power over you, Kahl.

Because in those moments we are tied more and more, your hatred forces you to look for me, to make me pay.

 

In short, everything was going great, I could say everything i want, you grieved yourselves inwardly and no one but you suspected anything; no one could possibly stop me.

But it wasn't enough.

I wanted more.

For me, for personal satisfaction... and to have complete victory over you too.

I wanted go on TV.

What on earth was better than insulting the world in front of millions of people, and being considered EVEN brave? As a misunderstood child with his terrible illness, that defied the slander of people even going on television, to make known the problem of so many people.

My plan was coming to a climax, and YOU couldn't do anything but watch!

Literally.

… Or not?

 

But I didn't care, this victory was even more important than YOU, than your thoughts and what you would have done, I would have given outburst to MY mind, a disrespectful and vulgar outlet, I could have flout anyone! ANYONE!

Except myself.

 

But it was at that very moment, when we were sipping "scotch" that I realized ... That in my plan there was a problem.

Me.

 

I risked disaster.

At the presentation at Whistlin ’Willy's I was so fucking close...

 

"I take this opportunity to tell you that THIS IS A BLUFF"

 

... It was happening again. I had said something again without being able to control myself

The night before it happened to me, you were there too, but I had only confessed to having pissed in bed ... But now?

I opened my eyes, trying to figure out if I really said it, and if I was still able to fix it

 

"DURING THE NIGHT I CRY ‘CAUSE I DON’T HAVE A DAD"

 

... Oh, shit. No, no not this. If I said this, then WHAT I can't hold back ...?

A thought, a very strange strange thought flashed in my mind.

Kyle? Why, why the hell now I had the image of Kyle in front of me?

And why - why did he smile and wasn't bothered as usual when I imagined him?

And why was I associating a phrase to him?

I realized that my mind was formulating a sentence on its own, it was forming it and I felt it was about to come out of my lips, and it was about Kyle.

I felt that I was going to talk, that I was about to reveal _something_ that ... That I had never even admitted to myself.

I was going to... NO!

 

"I LOVE PATTY NELSON AND I ALWAYS DREAM TO KISS PATTY NELSON"

 

... WHAT??

 

I ran awaY immediately to the bathroom, but what the hell ... ??

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED??

Ok... Ok, I had to focus... I - I was thinking about Kyle, right? Ok, unfortunately.

And the phrase  justI said-

Oh God, oh my God, BUT WHAT THE HELL.

WHAT IT HAD TO DO WITH KYLE?

Ok, it didn't matter... Well, yes, it mattered, but only me knew it,right? I was able to change that name at the last moment.

Patty Nelson, whoever you are you definitely saved my ass.

 

My illness had become real. And what I thought…

I was not convinced that I liked it.

 

How could I go on TV now?

 

I was in the studios of Date Line, the show I was supposed to attend. The presenter had convinced me. Well, more than convinced he forced me. But now it didn't really matter.

 

I was about to go on air.

 

And I found myself praying.

I asked for a miracle, I absolutely NEEDED a miracle.

 

Maybe that's why you arrived?

 

"Surprise, big ass"

 

"Kyle ...? What are you doing here? "

 

I hardly understood a single word about your absurd plan, only that there were some pedophiles involved and they all committed suicide. But the show had been interrupted, and my ass was definitely save.

You saved my ass.

 

"I defeat you, asshole! You haven't insulted anyone on TV! The show has been interrupted, what do you say now? "

 

Your expression of triumph was a vision that at other times would have made me throw up.

I looked around at all those corpses and the empty study, not seeing the presenter Chris Hansen.

I looked at you, and after a few moments of silence, even from my mind, I threw my arms around your neck, squeezing you tightly.

 

"Ooh thanks! Thanks Kyle! ”I whined attached to you.

"… What?"

"I prayed God for help ... And you came!"

 

This had nothing to do with my syndrome, I was sincerely glad that you was the one who saved me. It was another victory for me, I had won anyway and you didn't even know it, but this time in a different way.

 

"I love you friend"

...

... And this?

Did it have to do with the syndrome...?

 

You were silent for a few seconds, but when you spoke seemed you hadn't given weight to my words.

Well, you'll be used to not believing me, ever; to let it go, always...

I stepped away, tried to hug you again, but you didn’t let me come closer again.

Maybe, you know, I was the only one to understand something of this story, really the only one.

 

And I'm not talking about the lesson I learned.

I'm talking about something else.


End file.
